Friday, February 19, 2010

!!!...यमराज का इस्तीफा...!!!

एक दिन यमदेव ने दे दिया अपना इस्तीफा।

मच गया हाहाकार, बिगड़ गया सब संतुलन,

करने के लिए स्थिति का आकलन,

इन्द्र देव ने देवताओं की आपात सभा बुलाई
और फिर यमराज को कॉल लगाई।

'डायल किया गया नंबर कृपया जाँच लें'
कि आवाज तब सुनाई।

नये-नये ऑफ़र देखकर नम्बर बदलने की
यमराज की इस आदत पर इन्द्रदेव को खुन्दक आई,

पर मामले की नाजुकता को देखकर,
मन की बात उन्होने मन में ही दबाई।
किसी तरह यमराज का नया नंबर मिला,
फिर से फोन लगाया गया तो
'तुझसे है मेरा नाता पुराना कोई'

का मोबाईल ने कॉलर टयून सुनाया।


सुन-सुन कर ये सब बोर हो गये
ऐसा लगा शायद यमराज जी सो गये।

तहकीकात करने पर पता लगा,
यमदेव पृथ्वीलोक में रोमिंग पे हैं,
शायद इसलिए, नहीं दे रहे हैं
हमारी कॉल पे ध्यान, क्योंकि बिल भरने
में निकल जाती है उनकी भी जान।

अन्त में किसी तरह यमराज
हुये इन्द्र के दरबार में पेश,
इन्द्रदेव ने तब पूछा-यम
क्या है ये इस्तीफे का केस?

यमराज जी तब मुँह खोले
और बोले-

हे इंद्रदेव।
'मल्टीप्लैक्स' में जब भी जाता हूँ,
'भैंसे' की पार्किंग न होने की वजह से
बिन फिल्म देखे, ही लौट के आता हूँ।

'बरिस्ता' और 'मैकडोन्लड'
वाले तो देखते ही देखते इज्जत उतार
देते हैं और सबके सामने ही
ढ़ाबे में जाकर खाने-की सलाह दे देते हैं।

मौत के अपने काम पर जब
पृथ्वीलोक जाता हूँ
'भैंसे' पर मुझे देखकर पृथ्वीवासी
भी हँसते हैं | और कार न होने के ताने कसते हैं।

भैंसे पर बै�� े-बै�� े झटके बड़े रहे हैं
वायुमार्ग में भी अब ट्रैफिक बढ़ रहे हैं।
रफ्तार की इस दुनिया का मैं भैंसे से
कैसे करूँगा पीछा। आप कुछ समझ रहे हो

या कुछ और दूँ शिक्षा।

और तो और,

देखो रम्भा के पास है 'टोयटा'
और उर्वशी को है आपने 'एसेन्ट' दिया,
फिर मेरे साथ ये अन्याय क्यों किया?


हे इन्द्रदेव।
मेरे इस दु:ख को समझो और
चार पहिए की जगह चार पैरों वाला
दिया है कह कर अब मुझे न
बहलाओ, और जल्दी से
'मर्सिडीज़' मुझे दिलाओ।
वरना मेरा इस्तीफा अपने साथ
ही लेकर जाओ। और मौत का ये काम
अब किसी और से करवाओ।


http://images.zaazu.com/img/laughing-smiley-male-smiley-laugh-smiley-emoticon-000288-large.gif http://images.zaazu.com/img/laughing-smiley-male-smiley-laugh-smiley-emoticon-000288-large.gif



Thursday, February 18, 2010


Enjoy Life of CA...


Some facts are known only by CA's. Below are few of them.....

Banner in front of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of India ....

"Drive slowly, don't kill our students... leave them to us...."
____________ _________ _________ _________
What is CA?

PE-I-Alpenlibe- Ji lalchaye raha na jaye.

PE-II-Mentos- Dimag ki batti jala de.

ARTICLES-Kinetic- Sabki hawa nikal de.

FINAL-Chlormint- Dubara mat poochna.
____________ _________ _________ _________

Teacher: Osama has 5 wifes and 20 Children,

Laloo has 1 wife and 9 children. Who is better?

CA Student: Osama's NPV is good but Laloo's IRR is better.
____________ _________ _________ _________

CA on his death bed:
My wife, are you here?
"Yes dear"
My daughter, are you here?
"Yes dad"
My son, are you here?
"Yes dad"
MY ARTICLES, ARE YOU HERE?
"Yes SIR"
KAMiNO fir OFFICE me kaun hai.
____________ _________ _________ _________

Raat ko kitab meri mujhe dekhti rahi,
Nind mujhe apni aur khichti rahi,
Nind ka jhoka mera man moh gaya ,
Aur ek raat fir ye CA Student bina padhe so gaya .
____________ _________ _________ _________

Exam ka saaya hai,
Exam ke dino me sukh kisne paya hai.
Duniya wale kehte hai, achchhe number lao,
Kaun samjhaye inhe, ye sab moh maya hai.
____________ _________ _________ _________

Kash koi "Exam Result" ka insurance kara deta,
To har exam ke pehle premium bharwa dete,
Pass hote to thik hai,
Varna insurance claim karva lete.
____________ _________ _________ _________

Ye India ka CA hai bidu,
40 mile to tali bidu,
Attempt lage to gali bidu,
Hua exempt to bole jhakhas,
39 lage to satyanash,
Pass ho to thaat hai,
Fail ho to vaat hai.
____________ _________ _________ _________

CA gaali de to kya dega?
Saale bounced cheque,
Dha
rti pe liability,
Paidaishi bad debts,
Dishonoured bill,
Insolvent aadmi,
Itna marunga ki balance nahi bachega.
____________ _________ _________ _________

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Wo dekho ek Chartered Accountant ja raha hai,



Apni Profile ke bojh tale daba jaa raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Chartered Accountant ja raha hai,

Zindagi se hara hua hai,
Par " Balance sheet Tally " karne se haar nahi manata,
Apne excel sheet ki ek ek line ise rati hui hai,
Par aaj kaun se rang ke moje pehne hain, ye nahi janata,
Din par din ek excel file banata ja raha hai
Wo dekho ek Chartered Accountant ja raha hai,


Das hazaar line k i file main error dhoond lete hain lekin,
Majboor dost ki ankhon ki nami dikhayi nahi deti,
PC pe hazaar windows khuli hain,
Par dil ki khidki pe koi dastak sunayi nahi deti,
Satuday-sunday nahata nahi, week days ko naha raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Chartered Accountant ja raha hai,
linking karte karte pata hi nahi chala,
"Excel" ki priority kab maa-baap se high ho gayi,
Kitabon main gulab rakhne wala , cigerette ke dhuyen main kho gaya,
Dil ki zameen se armaanon ki vidayi ho gayi,
Weekends pe daroo peke jo jashna mana raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Chartered Accountant ja raha hai,


Maze lena ho iske to pooch lo,
"Salary Increment" ki party kab dila rahe ho,
Hansi udana ho to pooch lo,
"Leave" pe kab ja rahe ho?
Wo dekho Leave se laute team-mate ki chocolates kha raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Chartered Accountant ja raha hai,


Kharche badh rahe hain,
Baal kam ho rahe hain,
Income Tax ke sitam ho rahe hain,
Lo phir se bus choot gayi, Auto se aa raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Chartered Accountant ja raha hai,


Pizza gale se nahi utarta,
To "Coke" ke sahare nigal liya jata hai,
Office ki "Thali" dekh munh hai bigadta,
Maa ke hath ka wo khana baar roz yaad ata hai,
"Sprout bhel" bani hai phir bhi, free "Evening Snacks" kha raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Chartered Accountant ja raha hai,


Aapne ab tak li hongi bahut si chutikiya,
Chartered Accountant ke jivan ka sach batati ye akhri kuch panktiyan,


Hazaron ki tankhwah wala, company ki karodon ki jeb bharta hai,
Chartered Accountant wahi ban sakta hai, jo lohe ka jigar rakhta hai,
Hum log jee jee ke marte hain , zindagi hai kuch aisi,
Ek fauj ki naukri, doosri Chartered Accountant ki , dono ek jaisi,
Is kavita ka har shabd mere dil ki gehrayi se aa raha hai,
Wo dekho ek Chartered Accountant ja raha hai ..........



--
With Warm Professional Regards,
Memory of College Days

Hi Friends:



Reminds us of those College days.... years of non-stop masti... day
after day...



1. On being Late:

"Kab shuru hui class?"

"Attendance ho gayi kya??"

"Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar"

"Mein kya karu, subah bathroom me koi ghusa hua tha"

"Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu......... bolna ....... kal kya
padaya tha isne"

"Kal se pakka class time pe karunga"

"Ek page de na.......... abey pen bhi to de, nahi to kisse
likhunga......."

"Kal proxy mari thi kya"

" koi subah kaise aa sakta hai........"

"wo bhi iss class ke liye "





2. During the lecture:

"Yesss!!!! Sirrr.......The answer is

............huuuummmmm.......aaaaaaaa............."

"No sir.....I know the answer ......sir...."

"Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai"

"Abe lecture ko chodd..... Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj........" HE HE HE
HE !! ;))))

"Uski tshirt pe kya likha hai dekh"

"Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha kya.......gadha......."

"mera assignment tere paas hai??"

"Tereko bhookh nahi lag rahi kya??"

"Kya bore kar raha hai. Bola tha canteen chalte hain .."

"Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go now!!!"

"Boss class khatam hote hi kadak chai chahiye......"





3. Lab:

"Expt. 2 likha??"

"last time tu aaya the kya?""

"Karna kya hai??"

"Yeh bhai.....merko pata hota to tere pass kyon aata........"

"Areee tu to bura maan gaya .......chal dikha na.....bhau kyo kata
hai...."





4. Sessionals Test:

"sessionals test???? ......Aree yaar...... "

"Kya....... abe unit test mein itna sara topic hai to final mein kya
hoga...."

"Boss..... hogaya.......aur nahi ho sakta........jaan nahi de sakta
apni......."

"Oh !!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya ?????"

"Aaj kounsa test hai?"

"Oye Sushil kaha hai......uska roll number mere baad hai.......wo nahi
aaya to mein pakka fail...."

After test......

"yaar pada tha....recall nahi kar paya.......chhod na ....... Canteen
chalega..." SAHI !!





5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye
bahane):

"I was in the class, attendence bolna bhool gaya "

"Oye usko thoda khush kar list se tera naam hata dega........"

"Bola tha proxy regularly maar........ Saale tera class karne ka kya
faida hua....."

"yaar lag gayi apni to.."





6. Late submission of assignments:

" Maine us ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein
submit kar dena"

"Last date extend hua thaa"

"I didn't know the last date"

"Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya........"

"They should allow XEROX........sala system hi kharab hai " :D





7 . After exam:

"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya? Shitt..."

"kya bol raha hai yaar..aise karna tha kya"

"Is subject ki reference book kounsi hai"

"1st mein 3 marks.....2nd mein 0.......3rd mein 2.......
Gaya..........fail pakka......."

"Yaar notice lagte hi hata dena........wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh
kar......"





8 . VIVA (b4 exam):

"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"

"Aeee.......Akash.....terese kya kya poocha....mood kaisa hai.."

"External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya......."

"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak
preparation nahi hui hai" :D





9 . VIVA (General):

"Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi
poochhnewaala, then watz the point" :D

"Roll no. 46 ki watt laga di hai" (I was Roll no. 46 L )

"External is asking ctlr key ka ascii code kya hai ?"

"Ye kounse unit mein aata hai ?"





10 . Submission:

"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"

"kaat kaat ke likh le...kaon padhta hai"

"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"

"Jai ho computer baba ki......jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki......." :D

"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"





11 .Copying Assignments:

"Ye tune kya likha hai????"

(The best one)

"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha
hai uska drawing nikal" :D

"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"

" Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya, tu bhi wohi kar."

"Koi hint........"

"Are baba ghaseet de........na tu samjega na wo........"





12. Exam:

"Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai
woh NAHI aata hai" :D ..VERY VERY TRUE !!

"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai yaar....to ab kya poochenge"

"ye last time hi poochha thaa......is baar nahi aana chahiye"

"tere paas is ke notes hai??"

"Neend aa rahi mujhe to...thodi der so jata hoo..utha diyo pakka"



"woh chapter... mark weightage 6 marks... (facial ex-pressions speaks
the story)"

"nahi samjha to rat le" - PERFECT ONE

"External ka aane ka pura scene hai....... "

"Iss paper mein roll number ke kya order hai........"

"Pichle paper mein kuch to aata tha.......issmein mast lagegi
apni......"

"Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya........."
I AGREE !! !!


This one is dedicated to all my college friends:


"bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai

Aaj har wo din jeene ko man karta hai.

kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain

kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain.

abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai

Dopahar ki class mein aakhein band karne ko man karta hai.

Doston ke room ki wo baatein yaad aati hai

exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak yaad aati hai,

college ke paas wali thadi ki chaay yaad aati hai

tab ki bekar lagne wali photos chehre pe hasi laati hai.

Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai.

Par tumhari galti dekhne ka ab bhi mann karta hai.

Ek aisi subah uthne ka mann karta hai

bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai.

bas ek bar aur

wapas lautne ka man karta hai."

हैरान है आइना....

आजकल कुछ बन संवारने लगे है.....

जबसे एहसास हुआ है की वो देखते है हमे.....

आइना भी हैरान है हमसे.....

की अचानक कुछ वक्त देने लगे है उसे.....